My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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