All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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