I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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