So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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