I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize