That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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