I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
