his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
