I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
