So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
