I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
