Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm like, not good at living.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
