Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
