make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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