you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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