someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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