I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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