i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
did i just pee glitter
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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