woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize