Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dick very happy bro
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
