I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
