Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
