I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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