every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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