i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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