you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
