My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
