Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I want is dick and wine.
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