Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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