i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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