I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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