I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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