rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
