I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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