Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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