He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
