i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
