in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
