He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
