I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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