I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He shit in the fireplace
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
