You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
