Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
