I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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