I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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