I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
