8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
