I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The air was thick with penises
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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