Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
