well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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