Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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