she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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