By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
