i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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