why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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