If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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