first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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