Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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