why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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