i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize