I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
