The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
