Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
